According to the CDC, nearly one in six, or 19.1 million, U.S. women are victims of stalking at some point in their lifetime, and the majority of perpetrators (61.5%) are current or former intimate partners.

Most victims stalked by a partner also experience other types of violence by the same hand. “There’s a huge correlation. If you’re stalked by an intimate partner, you’ve likely also been previously assaulted by that partner or experienced sexual assault,” said Jennifer Landhuis, director of The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC), a federally funded project that provides education and resources about stalking.

Grace’s husband was physically and sexually abusive, raping her while she was eight months pregnant. When she finally saved enough money to divorce him, she legally moved away with her three kids, but he followed.

Grace’s experience with the judge who didn’t grant her restraining order was not unique. Despite the prevalence of stalking, a lack of acknowledgment by the criminal justice system and others is an ongoing issue.

Maureen Curtis, vice president of Criminal Justice and Court Programs at Safe Horizon, the largest nonprofit victim services agency in the United States, explained that stalking behavior can be viewed as innocuous because it doesn’t necessarily involve physical harm, but it needs to be taken more seriously. “[Stalking] is one of the indicators of future lethal violence … so when there’s stalking in a relationship, we need to … treat it seriously, so that person gets meaningful services available for them,” Curtis said.

Psychological aftermath 

Though the typical age of stalking victims is 18 to 24, 44.5% of victims are over 25, with 10.5% between 35 and 44 years old, and 7.6% over age 45. Grace was 40 years old when her stalking began.

Age seems to be irrelevant when it comes to the tactics perpetrators use — the most common of which are unwanted messages and phone calls, followed by threats of physical harm and showing up at a victim’s location. Regardless of the victim’s age, the psychological effects can be the same.

“There’s definitely a very chronic trauma as a result of stalking. It’s not just like an acute trauma, meaning it’s not just that it’s a stressful experience to go through, and then once the stalking stops, then the victims just go on with their normal life. It changes the chemistry in your brain to go through such a scary experience,” said Liza Mordkovich, psychotherapist and founder of Brooklyn Center for Mindfulness and Psychotherapy. The lasting effects may include PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

“In general, we’re programmed to remember the bad stuff that happened to us, because it’s like a survival mechanism. If you touch a hot oven as a kid … you’re gonna remember for the rest of your life to be careful around an oven. So when you go through an experience like that, where really safety is a concern, it isn’t something that you’re ever going to forget,” she explained.

Grace only felt safe when she moved overseas. After she couldn’t get the restraining order, she purchased a shotgun — feeling forced to go against her beliefs about firearms in order to protect herself and those she loved — and expedited her plans to move to another country. Since her ex was put on the no-fly list after his involvement in a green card scam, Grace knew he could never reach her once she settled in a foreign country.

But Mordkovich said even when the threat no longer exists, many victims are left grappling with mental health issues, which can manifest in other areas of their lives. Early, evidence-based treatments such as cognitive processing therapy and dialectical behavior therapy are helpful and sometimes necessary. Support groups can also be very effective.